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Rice's Testimony Ensures No Further Inquiry into 9/11
Posted GMT
In a stunning coup for the Bush administration, the commission to investigate 9/11 will publicly question National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice under oath "and then that's it, zilcho after that," chirped President Bush gleefully.
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| National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice saves the Bush boys' bacon |
"Naturally we're excited," raved Vice-President Cheney. "We never thought we'd get off this easy." He then twirled a small paper noisemaker.
The problem of making public statements under oath without blatantly lying has been the main hindrance to the Bush administration's efforts to repair its tarnished image. Growing citizen suspicion of the Bush family's ties to the bin Laden family and inconvenient written records of the aggressive foreign policy in the Middle East have been feeding the fire of doubt as the presidential election draws near.
But that's all behind them now.
"Condie had no idea what was going on," Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said over champagne and caviar during the 36-hour nonstop party that followed the commission's decision. "We kept her well out of the loop, as you might imagine. She can say whatever she wants. Haw!"
Commissioner Slade Gorton, whose name is among the silliest in the commission, stumbled onto the raucous party shortly after it began in order to retrieve his gold fountain pen. "They all laughed when I entered the room," said Gorton, "and [Attorney General John] Ashcroft was dangling from a chandelier mooning me and yelling, 'Face!'"
Richard Clarke, whose book "Against All Enemies" leveled some harsh accusations against the Bush administration's handling of 9/11, was unavailable for comment. However, reporters listening at his office door claimed to hear "a soft, pitiful sobbing." §
(The HACT team produces humor and opinion articles, not official news. Any resemblance to actual news is just a matter of style.)